I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
