i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
