I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
