I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
