OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
