In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
