I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
