I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
When are your genitals available?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
