two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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