I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
