it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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