Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
How's work?
Spinning.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
