Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
