are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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