i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
