Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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