ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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