Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
