he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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