I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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