Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
