This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
