Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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