so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Randomize
