at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
