did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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