Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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