I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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