I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
