i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
one might say we're banned from that church
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
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