I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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