Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
