I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
