he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
