the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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