Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
