Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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