Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
