actually, I'm a sock model
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
