Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
