Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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