I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
