We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
