I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
