honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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