Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
