Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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