Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
