It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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