Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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