Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
