I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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