Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you win again, gameday.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
