I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
