Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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